First Photo of Chief Brody's new home

For the first 18 months of his life, Chief Brody has lived in a 29-gallon acrylic aquarium. During his all-too-brief youth, the aquarium was perfectly adequate to house the growing Oscar. But, in recent months, the oscar has expressed displeasure at the lack of open swimming space.

Yeah, so you're asking, "How was a fish able to express anything, much less displeasure?" Trust me, an oscar can make that clear, as anyone who's ever had an oscar for a pet can tell you.

Whether flaring his gills, changing his coloration or opening his mouth and swimming back and forth in a tight little move that I like to call the "Oh no you di'n't" of the fish world.

I became worried about Chief Brody in June. He wasn't eating very well, which means his food was clouding the water much too quickly for my taste. The owner of a local pet store (City Pets in Westport - Kansas City) told me something that was both remarkable, unbelievable and, in the end, right on the money.

He told me that, well, my fish was bored. I was not providing enough stimulation. You know we're advancing as a culture when even the fish need psychotherapy. Now I understand how parents feel when the teacher calls them in to accuse them of not providing enough support to little Jenny or Johnny.

Following the pet store owner's suggestion, I brought Chief Brody a peace offering - toys!. I dropped a hollow plastic golf ball and two plastic fish into the 29-gallon aquarium along with a rock with plastic nubs on it (for little self-administered massage sessions).

It worked! Chief Brody loved the golf ball. Nobody really believes that he bats it around the surface of the aquarium because he never performs in public. But I've seen it, and some day I'll be lucky enough to capture it on video.

I've never really seen Chief Brody play with the plastic fish, but I know he does because they move from one side of the aquarium to another and, last time I checked, there was no such thing as an aquarium poltergeist.

As for the massages, I'm hoping to never witness that.

So, that was a solution to fish boredom, albeit a short-lived one. The truth is that most books about oscars get it wrong. They do a good job of notifying the public that oscars should not be kept in a goldfish bowl or a 10-gallon starter tank, but let's face it - anyone who would buy a book specifically about oscars already knows that.

Most books say that you should have at least a 30-gallon aquarium for one oscar. I have an oscar book that is very non-commital about the size of aquarium that I would need for one Oscar. The book says I should have a 30-gallon but a 55-gallon is better and a 75-gallon would be ideal. How's that for indecisive?

Long story short, I decided that it was time to upgrade Chief Brody's home from 29 to 55 gallons. I found a great deal on a used 55-gallon on Craigslist.org this week, and today it was delivered. Chief Brody already seems so much more at ease in his new home.

Oscars, like people, need room to grow. And toys to fend off boredom, apparently. I draw the line at actually hiring a psychotherapist for my fish. Really, I do!